Ghosts of My Present
by Sadie Lovegood
Summary: Submitted also for the RL's Halloween Challenge. Petunia Dursely's private thoughts on why Halloween always seems to strike a nerve within her.


_**Ghosts of My Present**_

**A Petunia Dursley Oneshot**

**By Sadie Lovegood**

* * *

"Mummy, I want to go as a wizard! A WIZARD!"

The word still chills my spine and paralyzes me. To hear my own son, my precious Diddykins, say it to me makes the pain so much worse, even though I know he means nothing by it. After all, how could he? He's four years old, for Pete's sake!

"Diddy-dunkins, why don't we see if we can find a lion costume for you? Don't you want to be a ferocious lion?"

"No! A WIZARD!"

He's going to throw a fit again, I just know it. At the tender age of four, he's mastered the art. Just like his Daddy, who still acts like four year old himself sometimes.

"Dudley, let's look at the other Halloween costumes first," Vernon suddenly calls out from the end of the aisle. He's keeping an eye on Harry, to make sure nothing….happens. He gives me a startled look.

"Uncle Vernon, can I go trick-or-treating too?" Harry asks. His voice is going to sound like HIS father's. I just know it. He's a dead ringer for that freak aside from his eyes, which are my sister's. Vernon scowls that all-too familiar scowl. I feel a smile curl the corner of my lips despite the negative outcome. Is it so wrong that I treasure my son more than my ward?

"You'll be sitting by the door and handing out candy to the kids, and if I see you eat even one piece, or pull any funny business, you'll be celebrating Christmas in your cupboard, understand?"

"Yes, Uncle Vernon," little Harry says sadly. Dudley yanks on my arm.

"I wanna be a WIZARD!" he yells. Two people further down the aisle look up at me, and I nod a silent apology.

The word 'wizard' haunts me like a ghost, especially this time of year. It's been three years since my sister and her husband, both of them freaks of nature, were blown up, landing my normal family with their freak son. The worst of it is that I'm obligated to keep him. The old man, Bumbledore or something, told me it was vital, and the consequences of giving him up were dire. So I had no choice.

But that doesn't mean we still can't be as normal as possible. Vernon and I are trying very hard to keep Diddykins away from his cousin's crazy world and all the mutants in it.

Hard to believe I ever wanted to be a part of it, really. All a bunch of nonsense. The fact that my perfect little sister got what she wanted just proved that life is a fairytale for the privileged few, and all the rest of us can do is conform to normality.

Do I feel guilty or sad over Lily's death? No. Not really. It makes me sound like a monster, I know, but my sister died to me the day she won my parent's love away from me. I was born first, I should have been the pride of the Evans of Spinner's End! Anyway, it's not like—

"—Petunia!"

I sigh to myself. Vernon's calling. Guess my spiteful thinking has to wait until later.

* * *

"Mummy, hurry UUUP!"

I'm getting ready to take Diddyduddys out trick-or-treating, and of course, I have to look neat doing it. It wouldn't do to look like a less-than-satisfactory housewife while escorting my precious son around.

I hate looking in mirrors more than I have to in order to get ready to go out. Horsefaced. I knew it all along. I am horsefaced. My sister was prettier. So much prettier than I. She got everything. The handsome man (freaky moron he was), the admirers, the affections of my parents. While she was fighting off suitors at that magic school, I was burying my nose in books and only dreaming about having a prom date. If it weren't for my old girlfriend Ellen introducing me to her cousin Vernon, I might still be a spinster at twenty-eight.

Then again, she also got herself blown up at twenty-one, her and her freak lover, and her kid got dumped on my doorstep. I'm still alive, along with my husband. That has to count for something…

"MUMMY!"

Oh, Dudley. Just like his father.

I can hear Vernon giving Harry the rundown downstairs about not eating a single scrap of the candy. Vernon himself will probably spend the evening in bed watching his shows with a soda in one hand and a remote in the other.

Makes me wonder what _THEY _do for fun tonight, if they do anything like we do. Do they go out and zap each other? Turn their enemies into toads? Do they dress up and eat sugar? Do they fly around on broomsticks and cause mischief?

Any of the above would be inconceivable here on Privet Drive.

As well as a thousand times more adventurous than escorting your son from house to house for three hours while he stocks up on fun-sized Mars bars.

Oh Lord, what am I thinking? What does it matter that they might have a more interesting way of celebrating Halloween? They're freaks. Nothing, no matter how exciting, is worth being a freak.

Sometimes I still wonder about what it was like for my sister, as much as it makes me cringe. I suppose it's some sort of curse she put on me. No, not a curse. I feel like every time I think about that world, it's Lily haunting me. She must be ghost somewhere punishing me for how things happened between us. Perhaps it's also for how we treat Harry. But I'm not about to send that boy off to a happy life, where better opportunities will be ready for him the minute he steps off that train. It's not fair for Dudley.

Maybe I am being haunted. Maybe Lily is sending the ghosts of my past to attempt to make me feel guilty for being so mean to her and her slimy little boyfriend all those years ago.

But it's not working. I'll make sure it won't.


End file.
